Gigwise, I see your list of depressing bands...

...and I chuckle raise you my list of the 23 most depressing bands of all time. Because I'm a pro at this.

A few days ago I came across Gigwise's list of the 23 most depressing bands and suddenly the word "NOOBS!" started ringing in my head. As an appreciator of the sort of music that gets to your soul and tears it apart, I was pretty shocked by their list. On the one hand, there were some famous absentees; on the other, some of the names were too bland and it almost felt like they were put there to fill in a few gaps. What's more, the names in the list are mostly mainstream artists, so the actual title should've been "the 23 most depressing mainstream bands of all time."

Hence why I decided to compile a list myself.  It's definitely not objective, but Gigwise's list isn't either (come on, The XX are depressing? you don't know depressing). Some of their names are on my list as well, so I'll start with them (disclaimer: ranking is random).


1. The Smiths

 
The Smiths are the first in my list of the 'magnificent three:' the three English bands, roughly from the same era, that are the epitome of depressing. So no surprises here.
There are so many examples I could list, but I'll just go with these two:

I wear black on the outside cos black is how I feel on the inside

I am the son and the heir of nothing in particular


2. The Cure

What can you expect from a song called To wish impossible things? Or from:

Just put your hands around my heart and squeeze me 'til I'm dry


3. Joy Division

I'm not even going to add anything here.

Existence: well, what does it matter?
I exist on the best terms I can

A cloud hangs over me, marks every move,
Deep in the memory of what once was love.


4. The National

They're not on top of my list, but I give you that, Gigwise. Plus, they're so dramatic live you can't 'unsee' it. Berninger can really make a simple sentence sound so painful.

How close am I
To losing you 

You didn't see me, I was falling apart
I was a television version of a person with a broken heart


5. Interpol

Exactly. That line kills me every time. I dare say it might be among my three favourite lines in the history of music. And Paul Banks is even better than Berninger at killing you with one line, I guess that's because his lyrics are a little more edgy (stylistically speaking). Even the title Turn on the bright lights is a great line, and one of the most depressing records in history.

I'm sick of spending these lonely nights
Training myself not to care

I will surprise you, sometime
I'll come around
When you're down


6. Death Cab for Cutie

 













Death Cab are not on top of my list either, but they do deserve being on it. My personal favourite is What Sarah Said:

Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines in a place where we only say goodbye
It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds

I'm thinking of what Sarah said, that "Love is watching someone die"
So who's going to watch you die?


 7. Bon Iver

My beloved Bonnie Bear didn't strike me as the kind of depressing music that would make Gigwise's list, but come to think of it, his lyrics are indeed very sad, though more in a cathartic way rather than just miserable per se. There is a live version of Skinny Love where he sings a slightly different version of the lyrics (replaces 'will' with 'gonna'), and it sounds so resentful.

Who's gonna love you?  
Who will fight?  
Who will fall far behind?

And at once, I knew
I was not magnificent


8. Bright Eyes

Bright Eyes/Conor Oberst are the last name Gigwise and I agree on. Although their lyrics are central to their fame as musicfordepressedpeople, to me it's mostly about the way he sings. I love it when the singing is rough and slightly off-key, rather than boring and impersonal.

But you should never be embarrassed by your trouble with living
Because it's the ones with the sorest throats, Laura
Who have done the most singing 

The sound of loneliness makes me happier


9. Elliott Smith

Elliott Smith is one of the first names that came to me when I opened Gigwise's list. Yet, he wasn't there. He left a great legacy behind. About his music, he said: "Depressing isn't a word I would use to describe my music. But there is some sadness in it -- there has to be, so that the happiness in it will matter."

People you've been before 
That you don't want around anymore
That push and shove and won't bend to your will
I'll keep them still 

Nobody broke your heart
You broke your own because you can't finish what you start


10. Nirvana

 Another odd absentee and another important legacy.

Married
Buried

And if you save yourself
You will make him happy
He'll keep you in a jar
And you'll think you're happy


11. Jeff Buckley

A short career yet (therefore) he deserves to be here.

And she weeps on my arm
Walking to the bright lights in sorrow


Must I dream and always see your face?




12. Daniel Johnston

It's hard to say something objective about Daniel Johnston. He shouldn't even be on this list, because he's at the other end of the spectrum, he is living proof that music goes beyond mental illness, and it takes a lot of effort to be a true artist.

True love will find you in the end
(just that.)




13. Nick Drake

And I was green, greener than the hill
Where flowers grew and sun shone still
Now I’m darker than the deepest sea
Just hand me down, give me a place to be


14. Brand New

With Brand New starts my more subjective part of the list. Some of these bands/artists are less known or maybe you won't agree with me on their being depressing. 
Brand New are a great band that's unfortunately seen as music for teenagers. If you think so of them, you should listen to The Devil and God are raging inside me (great title, by the way). Here are some excerpts:

I don't mind you under my skin
Oh, let the bad parts in, the bad parts in


And I wish that I could tell you right now, I love you
But it looks like I won't be around
So you won't know

Before you put my body in the cold ground,
Take some time to warm it with your hand


15. WHY?
  
 















WHY? are one of my favourite bands - despite having a very 'weird' sound few of my friends like; Yoni Wolf is a great lyricist, but he reached his peak with the two albums Elephant Eyelash and Alopecia, which host some of the most depressing lyrics I've ever read (especially the song Good Friday). Luckily for him he isn't depressed anymore, so his recent songs are much less miserable.
 

At Jacob Han's on tour I wake up hungover on a hardwood floor
From a dream about how your dress hangs off of your little breasts
I'd rather be dead than call this song "How I lost your respect" 
But God bless or get neglected
And I'll see you when the sun sets east, don't forget me

I sleep on my back cause it's good for the spine
And coffin rehersal 


16. Sun Kil Moon / Red House Painters

  











Mark Kozelek may be a dick, but at least he's a great musician.

Oldness comes with a smile
To every love given child
Oldness comes to rile
The youth who dream suicide
 
Glass on the pavement under my shoe
Without you is all my life amounts to


17. Los Campesinos!

If you only know a couple of LC! songs you might think they're an indie pop band who makes joyful songs. Think again. Gareth David's lyrics are sharp, witty, full of cultural (or football) references, and extremely tragic without sounding too dramatic, because he's also a smart ass. And even their album titles are depressing (No Blues, Hello Sadness)

I can't believe I chose the mountains
Every time you chose the sea   

I taught myself the only way to vaguely get along in love 
is to love the other slightly less than you get in return. 
I keep feeling like I'm being undercut. 

And the weather here is overcast and the sea is the same shade of grey, 
so the landscape before you looks just like the edge of the world, 
but to the left side and the right side, either way is a crazy golf course 


18. Burial

  











You weren't expecting this one. I recommend:

Come down to us


19. Neutral Milk Hotel

  















In the aeroplane over the sea is just the perfect album. The cover, the songs, the lo-fi recording, Jeff Mangum's singing style. And one of my favourite lines of all time:

And in the dark we will take off our clothes
And they'll be placing fingers through the notches in your spine

Can't believe how strange it is to be anything at all 


20. Kevin Devine

  





















I fangirl over Kevin D. a lot (plus I saw him recently) so maybe he's not supposed to be on this list; in fact, some of his lyrics are not really depressing. But I love him when he screams (e.g. live versions of Ballgame or Brother's Blood) and he's pretty intense. [PS: he and Brand New are BFFs]

Rest assured, I used to be someone
A brother's brother
And a mother's son

Maybe we need to be hollowed
To get up and grow
And stop fucking around

And there's a clamp around my chest
That tightens every time I lapse into another sorry story


21. American Football

  












I will end my list with three (old-school) emo bands. American Football are that kind of band that makes you cry even before you start listening. They're melancholic more than depressing, and their eponymous LP tastes like the end of summer when you're about to move away from your parents' home and have to figure out your life.

Thinking about leaving and how I should say goodbye. 
with a handshake, 
or an embrace, 
or a kiss on the cheek, 
or possibly all three

That's life: it's so social
So physical
So so-so
So emotional
So stay home


22. Penfold

 

















They deserve a spot on the list, if only for the way he screams the lyrics

And if you were here then
I would take you everywhere


23. Mineral

 
















Just look at that picture, put their music on, and sit back. Also, nothing happy can come out of a song called Unfinished.

I wish you could put your ear up to my heart
And hear how much I love you

You picked me up and whispered "Forever"
Like a secret in my ears



And that was my list. I hope someone reads/hopefully likes this because it took me a long time to write it. If you have depressing bands to recommend, go ahead.
Gigwise, you should hire me.

Bye.
- Claudia


PS: BONUS TRACK!

Bad Books / Kevin Devine / Manchester Orchestra live in Glasgow

I've selected a few pictures I took at the gig on 2/10. It was really hard to take decent pictures (my camera is not a fan of blue and red lights, which made up 98% of the concert unfortunately); also, I'm a crappy photographer but everybody knows that, at least nobody pays me for it so my stunning works of art can enjoy a restricted, faithful (?) audience.

That said, one of my pictures ended up on all social media websites and I guess I'm now living the 15 minutes of fame I've deserved (I might be using some sarcasm here, but I'm not entirely sure).

I am also crap at reviewing stuff so I'm going to keep it short. The concert lasted three hours. Three hours of madness (my recovering leg is still planning its revenge against me). What I liked the most about the gig was the empathy between the musicians on stage, and that's always an extra factor in live music: you enjoy it better when you know they're having fun and not just playing because they're paid for it. If I had to pick my highlight from the gig, that was definitely Brother's Blood played by Kevin Devine & GDB at the end of their set. That said, Kevin rapping and the Brooklyn Boy / Fresh Prince of Bel-Air mash-up were both cracking moments.

Here are the pictures. If any of you wants to use them (just sayin', eh) please give credits to Claudia Viggiano, or @thisiswater_ (both on Twitter and Instragram).

 Bad Books

 

 

Kevin Devine rapping on stage with Bad Books

(yes, this is the one that was reposted by Kevin himself!)

Kevin Devine and the Goddamn Band

 Manchester Orchestra

Kevin Devine joins Manchester Orchestra on stage for an encore

Cheers!
Claudia

Why we should all be feminists

Until a couple of years ago I used to take pride in calling myself an 'antifeminist.' I had my reasons, which are the same reasons that make me a feminist now, but I was still wrong.

I've wanted to write this post since the word 'feminist' started to be butchered by the Women against Feminism movement--not that it hadn't been before, but this has more or less given voice to something we all thought at some point in our lives: feminists are those man-hating, hairy and frustrated lesbians who make life impossible with their radical ideas and crazy acts. At least, the very existence of the website is a constant reminder that there is something wrong in this vision, and I admire Emma Watson for pointing this out. It is the speech she delivered at the UN for #HeForShe that further inspired my post. The full version can be found here. It is a very powerful speech, and I agree with everything she said. But it is not only the speech itself that was powerful. But let's do this in order.

Why was I wrong? I was more or less one of those. I have always believed in gender equality, but I have always thought that there were flaws in the feminist movement, that it contradicted itself and its very purpose, and that what we should seek for is equality through the display of equality, and not by contrast. More or less, this is what I still believe, and it is where I was wrong: feminism seeks equality, not domination, over men. Real feminists don't belittle men, and they don't diminish their value to strengthen their own. I understand how it may appear so sometimes, and I understand that maybe in the past more 'radical' action was needed to be noticed, but this goes against feminist ideas in the first place, or at least my own vision of feminism (I have never read anything about feminism, so I welcome criticism here). Real strength is in choice.

I am talking about choice here because, as loose as my ideas may sound, I think that every woman's decisions should be the product of choice. I think that a woman can be a feminist and still be sexualised, if she wants to (Beyoncé is the living example). I think a woman can be a pornstar, if her choice to be one hasn't been conditioned by a certain environment. On the other hand, I think a woman should be hairy if she wants to, or a stay-home mum if she wants to, or she should be free to ojectivise men when men are objectivising women and not be ashamed to do so, if this is what she wants. It is obvious that gender equality is still (!) not there, even when such silly examples come to mind, but it is in this that feminism can help - the good feminism, the real one, the one that doesn't seek equality through victimism but through pure and honest egalitarianism (which is probably the best word to describe the movement.)

And as Emma Watson explains, real feminism does not forget about men. Men are very often the victims of a form of sexism that kills on both sides, and men should also be valued for what they do, because they don't "just do it" only because they're men. So everyone should be a feminist - or an egalitarian.

As I mentioned before, her speech is different, and powerful. Yes, her words are powerful, but it is her who makes the difference here in two ways: the words of a celebrity who inspires the young generations are powerful because it is those generations that are affected by the demonisation of the word, and those words can reach to a larger audience with better results. Plus, her words may also work for that slice of her fans who drool over her and sexualise her: she is hot and we're all happy to say that, but she's also a feminist, and she can be both without sounding like an oxymoron.

This blog needs playlists

I love lists, but I love playlists more.

I had surgery on my leg yesterday, and the fact that I'm all wrapped up in bandages - mummy-like - forces me to bed, and you know what happens when you could be lazy and enjoy your lazy time--you end up wanting to do stuff. I can't complain about being here now, I just hope I'll get to finish this post, since

I've realised I have dozens and dozens of drafts stored on here, and I'll try to finish and hopefully post a couple of those in the next few days.

But it's Spotify I want to write about today. I've started creating playlists based on moods some time ago, but labelling them as 'moods' is a bit of an understatement--my playlists are complex, like moods really are, so here's me trying to phrase them. Hope you like them.



Disagio prêt-à-porter was the first one I created. 'Disagio' roughly translates into 'unease' or 'discomfort,' but it's used by the cool kids nowadays as a state of being - social anxiety(?), nihilism(?), not sure. Anyway, I listen to this playlist to find catharsis when I'm angry, sad, or both, and want to revel in my misery. All these songs are miserable, some angrier, some sadder, some screamy, some ballad-like. They all have miserable titles/verses, but the result of listening to them is reinvigorating rather than just saddening per se. I feel strong and I feel nothing.




Highlights of the playlist:

• The way Penfold scream "And if you were here, then I would take you everywhere"
• The sense of incompleteness in Pedro the Lion's "Almost there / it's on the tip of my tongue / an it never goes away / it never comes to stay"
• The verse "She puts the weights into my little heart" - how can something so short break your heart so harshly?
• "When they love you / and they will / tell them all they'll love in my shadow" - this kills me each time
• "I want a lover I don't have to love / I want a girl who's too sad to give a fuck"
• The metaphor of the "Twin Size Mattress"
•  Good Friday and Degausser - among the most depressing things I've ever heard in my life

 Soothe your_self is a less complex playlist; as the title says, it's meant to be soothing, and I usually listen to it when I'm reading or walking home at night, to pamper my mind and get ready to sleep when I've got too many thoughts running in circles. It was first inspired by the album Horn of Plenty by Grizzly Bear and then I added some post-rock tunes to build a soothing atmosphere.






Speeding into Nowhere is a playlist I created when I discovered Turn on the Summer by The Rutabega; I wanted this song in a playlist so bad that I created one for it; it's still a pretty short one, and I'm constantly looking for something to add to it. It's the playlist of travelling - not necessarily in a literal sense -, of seasons, of the passing of time, of longing and of nostalgia yet with an upbeat note to it.





There are a couple more playlists on my profile you can take a look at if you like, but I won't post them here because they don't mean so much to me.
I hope you liked these ones and I wasn't too shitty at expressing my 'feelings' through the music I listen to, and I'd love to hear any suggestions on stuff to add to the playlists.

Thanks for making it 'till the end of the post!
Claudia

Solitudes

"Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people's hats off--then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can."

I go take photos instead.

I have learnt to think of Edinburgh as a place where loneliness is enhanced by the surrounding architecture, which is magnificent in its beauty and therefore increases the distance between one solitude and another. I felt it too when I was walking home one night, and decided to start capturing it.

a sense of belonging, nowhere

I've been reading a lot of terrible things about Italian people fleeing the country recently. Usually written by those who stay. And those who stay get to write on important newspapers, which makes me think, oh, well, easy for you to just talk shit about other people when maybe you're the guy who licked a few arses here and there to be in the position you are, and maybe yes, you might be that guy we never want to be, and that guy who makes our country worse than it already is.

When I say we I mean "those who have left"--and no, I don't mean it in a patriotic yet emptied-out sense. Honestly, I don't see any reason why I would see myself as part of any stupid group of people who do something - what, exactly? I am the out-group and I'm okay with that. I don't like to criticise Italians on their behaviour nor do I utter useless words about the situation because "now I can, cos I see things from the outside"; on the other hand, I don't like to complain about the food or the weather because "hey, in Italy everything is perfect and I miss my mum's lasagna". I don't surround myself with Italians nor do I avoid them when they're around me. And some people are stupid, and when I say this I'm thinking of all those spoiled kids who go to London because they want to live in da city cos they're kool. But mainly, the reason why I feel like an out-group is because I don't see a clear boundary in all this shite people are talking about, cos I don't see why "nationality" should be what everything revolves around.

Call me shallow or call me disrespectful, but honestly I don't care. I don't believe in a country that is "mine", these are names we give to things and borders we create. There are a lot of things I like about Italy, but I don't feel the place I was born in is the place I belong in. I left because I had practical reasons not to stay; also, it is understandable why people want to leave: they feel unsatisfied with their lives, and they know that what they have been working hard for is not going to pay them back in the short run. And everyone should understand that. And I'm not saying that I don't miss Italy, but the problem is that I don't actually miss Italy; I miss the people I love and those I don't, I miss San Lorenzo with its junkies, I miss the good pasta and the good old bidet. These are my things and I don't want anyone to generalise everything out of this in the name of a "nation".

Probably other expats will not feel the same way, but I don't like it when someone identifies me with a "stereotyped" group. If someone wants to leave, they have their right to do so. And very often those people are not sick and angry at their "country", they're not doing it to show off; very often they just want to get what they deserve. What you deserve is not always at hand, so you run after it. I feel more satisfied when I can do something and that makes me happy. If one day what I want to do is in Italy, I'll go back; if what I want to do is in Greenland, I'll go to Greenland. 

In the meantime, you haters and know-it-all's go get a life instead of lecturing people on how to behave and how to be "good Italians".

Bad Luck Marla

Uh, hi.

Haven't been here in a long time (you don't say), so here's a summary of what Edinburgh has turned me into.

 

You know that meme thing, Bad Luck Brian? That's me as a PG student. Eh.

 

 

The first day I visited the university, one of those awkward "get-in-the-room-meet-random-people-cos-fuck-you-that's-why" events happened. They give you a cup of coffee and put a sticker on you so that you can recognise the other wild animals in your programme and yes, of course, talk to them. One of the first memories I have from that day is me getting there late, finding the one free seat, leaving my bag there just for a second so I could grab a cup of tea; when I turned around, this guys was sitting on my bag. Oh well.

This is what Edinburgh has been doing to me. And if you think this is a happy post, er--

 

 Actually, it all started from this: all the signs were there. Infinite tragedy.

 

Then classes started. As did my lifelong relationship with the library. And with brain dysfunctions.  

Jesus looks at me every time I walk past it. And yes, that pink thread threatens my mental stability four times a day.

 

  This is a clear and concise description of what's been going on in my head. And an epiphany. 

 

I met the worst people on earth. Both those in the picture and the ones behind the camera. 

 

Can't say nicer things about my flatmates. This was a trap: "Hey Claudia, can you come here a second? I've got something to ask you"....

 

Did I mention brain dysfunctions?  

 

But this wasn't even my final form (Suicide Bunnies are for tragedy scale comparison).

 

 That's it.

Also:

Just chillin' in the ambulance, bitches.

Pre-surgery selfie. In great shape!

 

  The hospital experience changed my life forever. The last day I spent there they shoved me in a room with three ninety-year-old ladies. Including one whose only goal in life was to get on her feet and aimlessly walk to the bathroom and pee with the door open. Needless to say, the bathroom was just across for me. And she wore a gown, one of those that are open in the back. 

First day of Physiotherapy? Of course, the ward was just across from this...

 

Then I went to Glasgow to see Patrick Wolf, and of course it was raining (a rare phenomenon here in Scotland). Pret a Manger was all I saw before the gig.

 

This is dedicated to all the people who have asked me "Are you having fun in Edinburgh?" 

 

Me: "Oh, it's raining, let's take the big umbrella so it won't break".
Scotland: "NOPE. Because fuck you, that's why."

 

I spent the entire Christmas break at the university, watching the sun rise every morning, living with the Californian time zone and making friends with the security guys. Not the stinky guys though. Oh, I also wrote four papers. This is me showing off my mane to the camera.  

 

And of course, I haven't had the time to get back to a normal life and my Christmas break officially lasted five days. A new semester is starting. And if you think this is a happy ending, I'd like you to know that