I've been to quite a few gigs and concerts, and yes, whether it is good or bad, big or just in a small venue, one thing is certain: when you get there, your "one gig stand" neighbours will be easily recognisable at first sight, and that definitely helps you get rid of them.
The fangirl
This is the most popular category. Usually a teenager, the fangirl is in the first row, she's been standing there since noon, she's wearing the band's t-shirt, she knows all the songs and does not spare your poor ear a single line, alternated only by hormonal deliveries on how hard she would bang the whole band — including the female vocalist, yeah, maybe she is also a bit unsure about her sexuality.
The subcategories of the fangirl are the elderly fangirl, who is usually in her husband's company, recalling her failed career as a pop singer, and the slutty fangirl, who's only wearing a bra and pushing you because «my friends are over there».
The giant mosher
Usually a man, he's a sweaty, dirty, hairy monster who easily has fun, although people are scared of him. The giant mosher comes in two categories: the stalking mosher is the bad guy who's drunk and seems to chase you because he apparently wants you dead; the good-hearted mosher is usually a huge, cute redhead that sees you (i.e. me) and says something like «you're so small, you're gonna be hurt, so I'm gonna protect you!»; this is my favourite category, because he moshes and protects you at the same time, letting you easily get to the second row.
The chatty drunk
Teenaging guys who share one brain for the whole bunch of them, the people in this category are very common. Probably they don't really like the band, they're just there because only one of them does. Thus, the rest of them dedicate themselves to hard-drinking and hard-annoying. Always talking for the sake of it, usually incomprehensible and nonsensical, they are sometimes part of the picking up subcategory, which witnesses them showing their charm and loving abilities to any living being with boobs. After the concert, the chatty drunk is always happy and lets everyone on Facebook know about it.
The guy with another band's t-shirt
This small but ever-present group is there to show how alternative they are. Always carrying a DSLR camera, they're not there for the concert, they're just live-tweeting an improvised review, which will be posted on tumblr straight after the concert. Along with a couple of blurry, photoshopped pictures.
The smelly
Usually part of the mosher category, their fake cotton t-shirts are over-worn; the surrounding noses are not helped by their involvement with the song, which forces them to raise their hands, as if they weren't already visible - and not only - enough.
The mother
Especially popular in the UK, the mother hates being there but she's been forced by the fact that her daugher was been given a ticket as a present for her 16th birthday. Bored and pissed, the mother eventually decides to annoy people, claiming that her spot must be wider, and complaining that everybody's pushing her. After the second song, the mother withdraws to the back of the standing area, leaving her daughter bitching around, because she doesn't want to follow her. That, obviously, was the daughter's first though when she took the mother to the second row.
The couple
Very common and rather annoying, the couple is usually a double-sized mosher preventing everyone from moving; the couple - that we will here consider as a single element - is surrounded by disgusted people who went there to see another show. It is a sugary being that dances and kisses at the same pace all night long. For the couple, every song is a love song, although the male part is often the bored one, the one who would be a mosher, if only she weren't there...
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